i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
