good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
