can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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