So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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