You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
