508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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