Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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