I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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