No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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