This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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