My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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