he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
