Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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