im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
vagina is talking i cant
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
