so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
