So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
