don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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