i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
