Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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