I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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