I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
