How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
