shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
