I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
