You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
