i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
