I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
