She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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