I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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