chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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