I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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