I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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