Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
