I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
