I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
