"it" just moved
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
