Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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