She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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