Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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