I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
