Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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