he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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