just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
