your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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