I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
