whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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