if i can run in heels then i can drive
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
