Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
