Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
