Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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