worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
