Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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